


The Caged Bird

by silversoul_snow



Category: Super Junior
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blink And You Miss It Slash, Bromance, Fix-It, Gen, Reflection, Reunions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-15
Updated: 2016-02-15
Packaged: 2018-05-20 19:47:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6022573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silversoul_snow/pseuds/silversoul_snow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Reflection of the Super Junior's past through Donghae's eyes</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Caged Bird

**Author's Note:**

> Cross-posted over at AFF under the same name.

The Caged Bird

 

Donghae stared out of the window, watching the snow falling softly onto the ground, painting it into a white blank canvas. He watched as the trees swayed in the winter breeze. He watched as the children ran down the street, shouting to one another. Free. That was the word to describe them. Snow falling freely on the ground. Trees swaying freely in the winter breeze. Children running down the street freely. Freedom. Something that they had. Something that he yearned for. Something that he wanted. Something that he had given up 5 years ago.

 

5 years ago, he was scouted out by SM Entertainment. He smiled bitterly as he remembered how he felt when he received the letter.

 

_“Donghae-ah. There’s a letter for you. I left it on the table!” Donghae’s mother shouted from the kitchen. Donghae appeared at the top of the stairs and dragged his feet down tiredly, heaving a sigh as he went along. He had just finished his dance practice and was looking forward to taking a nap. He eyed the envelope which was lying on the table. It was a soft yellow colour with SM’s logo on top. SM’s logo... That could only mean one thing!_

 

_Hurriedly, he grabbed the envelope and ripped it open, scanning through it quickly. A loud gasp was heard throughout the house. Mrs. Lee came running out just in time to see her son put his hand over his mouth to stifle further expressions of delight. She threw a quick glance at the paper and squealed loudly._

 

_“Oh honey, you got accepted! I’m so proud of you.” She threw her only son into a huge bear hug. The latter could only stand in shock as the pale yellow paper fluttered to the ground._ **_‘Acceptance into SM Entertainment.’_ ** _Those bold words stood out against the light yellow background and stared at him in the face. He did it. He had taken the first step towards his dream of becoming a dancer. His father, not a man of many words, had been drawn downstairs by the commotion. Looking at the paper, he too threw his son a smile, a smile that spoke many words. Donghae just grinned back as he hugged his mother. He had never felt so elated before. He was finally going to be a dancer._

 

As he recalled about his happy feelings then, he wondered if he had ever spared a thought to the trials and hardships that he was going to face in order to achieve his dream. Perhaps not. After all, he was too naive then for that. By becoming a SM trainee, he was ordered to cut off all contacts from the world other than his family. Even so, he wasn’t allowed to call them every day. He remembered again, bitterly, how his friends had tried to contact him desperately everyday, but had failed.

 

_‘Hey. Are you ok? Is something wrong?’_

 

_No. He didn’t think that he was ok._

 

_‘Why didn’t you come to school? Are you sick of lessons?’_

 

_It’s not that he didn’t want to, but more like he couldn’t._

 

_‘Why aren’t you answering our calls? You’d better not be ignoring us on purpose over some little thing.’_

 

_He wasn’t ignoring them. Even if he wanted to reply., he couldn’t._

 

_‘You disappeared for 2 whole weeks! Please don’t tell me that you’re in the hospital.’_

 

_Of course not. But right now, he wasn’t so sure whether being in the hospital was better than being where he was now._

 

_The boy on the bed could only watch helpless as his phone’s screen flashed continuously as text messages streamed in one by one. He wasn’t allowed to reply to them apart from giving a short explanation. ‘I’m sorry. I’ve been accepted into SM.’ He knew that his friends were probably bursting with congratulating messages and questions right now, especially his best friends. But he didn’t answer any of them. Couldn’t. Cutting off contacts with his friends was one of the many rules set by SM for their trainees. Donghae could only stand at the sidelines and watched, helplessly, restricted by rules._

 

He sighed at that particular memory. He should have known at that time. Signs of the company binding him tight were beginning to show. But he would do anything to become an idol and a dancer, and that included obeying SM. But every now and then, he would wonder what would have happened if he didn’t. Would he be kicked out of SM immediately? Would SM punish him? He didn’t know and had no way of finding out. Not that he minded though. He just wished SM wasn’t so hard on their trainees.

 

Despite all that, everything paid off when he was called by in Mr. Lee. When he told the former that he was going to debut with 11 other people, to say Donghae was elated was an understatement. Who cared about whether Super Junior 05 was a trial group and their group members were going to change every year. All he cared about was that he had made his debut.

 

_He gulped nervously as he stood outside the door, hand frozen just above the door knob. He didn’t know whether he should open it or not. Just standing behind the door, were his members. They were meeting for the first time so it was natural for Donghae to have butterflies in his stomach. However, before he could make a decision, the door was thrown open and he was dragged in and plunked onto a seat._

 

_“Hyukjae. You shouldn’t have done it so harshly. He might get bruises you know.” A male said from his seat. Donghae blinked once and looked around him. He was sitting on a sofa surrounded by 11 other guys. The said man, Hyukjae, who had dragged him in was giving him as gummy smile._

 

_“Nah. It wasn’t that hard.” Hyukjae replied, “I’m Hyukjae. Stage’s name Eunhyuk. You can call me whichever you prefer.” He stretched his hand out towards Donghae, wordlessly asking for a handshake._

 

_Donghae grinned back and shook Hyukjae’s hand. “I’m Donghae. Yes, the eastern sea. Nah. I think I’ll just call you Hyukkie.”_

 

_The rest of the members laughed at the nickname Donghae had given Hyukjae while the latter pouted in mock petulance._

 

_Donghae smiled to himself. He could tell that it was going to be the start of a new life as an idol._

 

Donghae stood up and stretched, as he made his way to the kitchen to get himself a cup of hot chocolate to drink. The winter was getting to him. As he passed by, he gazed at the picture that was hanging on the wall in the living room. It was a photo of all thirteen of Super Junior members celebrating after there first concert. Then he turned to look at another photo frame that was on the television table. A picture of eleven of them. Hankyung and Kibum were missing. When Kibum left, Super Junior was shocked, but they were reassured by the fact that Kibum would be coming back after he had finished his acting career. To put it simply, Kibum was only going on a temporary hiatus. But it wasn’t the same with Hankyung. The same shock came when they found out that Hankyung had filed the lawsuit against SM Entertainment, but only tenfold. They knew that this time round, when Hankyung left, it wouldn’t be like Kibum. He would not be coming back again, unless a miracle happened.

 

_Donghae could only stare in shock at their manager. There was no way that what he had said was true. No way. Hankyung wouldn’t leave Super Junior right? They were family weren’t they? Family should stay together despite all hardships. But he knew that this was reality. It was like living that night again. That night when Yunho, TVXQ’s leader, had called them and told heartbreakingly that Junsu, Yoochun and Jaejoong had filed a lawsuit against the company. It was like experiencing that heartbreak all over again, only this time the pain is doubled. No, maybe even tripled as it was actually happening to them._

 

_Donghae brought his attention back to the scene in front of him. The members were in a wreck. All of them were crying but Heechul was the most badly affected. He had been Hankyung’s best friend. They had been together for more than eight years. Hankyung couldn’t just ignore those years of friendship. Could he? But no matter now, it was all over. Heechul was in a bad state, Hankyung had left, and was never coming back._

 

He knew better than anyone that he shouldn’t blame Hankyung. He had seen Hankyung practice singing and dancing, he had seen Hankyung push himself to the limit every single day to achieve the best result. For who? For himself? For SM? For Super Junior? Donghae didn’t know but he hoped that it was for the group. But then again, no one could blame Hankyung. He hasn’t even given a day off in 2 years and thanks to that along with the stress and all, he became stricken with liver cancer. Donghae should have known at that time, better than anyone, that they were not free. They might be birds but their wings were clipped and they were locked up, like caged birds. But no, he refused to believe it, still believing that they were free, and unrestrained at all. But...

 

_“None of you are allowed to contact Hankyung. At all. I want you to forget about him, delete his phone number, block him, do whatever you have to do, but NONE of you are allowed to talk to him ever. He’s a traitor. No longer one of us.”_

 

_Super Junior stood in silence, waiting for the words to sink in. They just watched as their manager walked out of the room without even of a backward glance._

 

_“H-He’s kidding, right?” Donghae was the first one to break the silence. There was no way the company could ask them to abandon Hankyung and not contact him at all. While he might be a traitor and while he might not be an SM artiste any more, Donghae was sure that Hankyung had a reason for that. He would always be a part of Super Junior. After all, families are forever right? They could not break off ties like that. Everyone was sure that if Hankyung was given an alternate to leaving Super Junior, he would have embraced it._

 

_Silence resumed its veil over the room. Like a gun that was going to go off any moment. Like a volcano that could erupt any moment. Like a bomb that could explode any moment. And so it did._

 

_Crash!_

 

_They looked up just in time to see the door slam with Heechul running off. It was hard for him. Having his best friend of eight years leave him and not be allowed to talk to him._

 

Donghae felt tears streaming down his cheeks and brought a hand up to wipe them away. He didn’t know that he was crying. It was a sad memory after all. A memory that was hard to erase and forget, no matter how willing he was. He had felt betrayal, then anger, then sadness all in that one moment. It was then he realized that there was absolutely no freedom for them or for any idol, for they would have given up their freedom, unknowingly or not, the minute they had become a trainee. After all, they were only caged birds that their company owned.

 

“Donghae. Why are you upstairs? Get down now! Hankyung and Kibum are here for dinner.”

 

A voiced echoed from the stairs below. Despite the warning of the company, none of the members really obeyed fully. This was their first sign of rebellion. Of course they were eventually caught and punished, but not one of the twelve remaining members regretted it, Kibum included Now, the lawsuit had been resolved and they were allowed to talk to Hankyung again.

 

“Donghae! Aren’t you glad to see me? Come now.” A familiar voice was heard. Hankyung. He really was here.

 

“Coming!” There was a smile in Donghae’s voice. He stood up and got ready to leave the room to head down to join the other twelve members, but not before throwing a smile at the poster that was hanging on his wall. All thirteen of them. Together. Smiling.

 

As he walked off, he realized that he was actually fine being caged up. As long as he had his members with him, his brothers, he was fine with anything that was thrown his way, even being stripped of his freedom.

 

After all, even they themselves said so:

 

_“We are Super Junior because there’s all 13 of us. We have to be 13 to be Super Junior and to be on stage; it’s not a team where a member is bad or good, but we shine the best when all 13 of us are together.”_


End file.
